Got a toothbrush?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
