So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
