i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
