I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
