This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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