I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
