Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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