New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
