Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Sorry my hands just texted you
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
