Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We had sex on a dog bed..
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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