Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
