By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
