i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
