Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
