i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
