how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
