oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
