I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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