What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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