He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
