I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
