Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
