none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
