Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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