Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
