Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
