hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Watching her eat just hurts me
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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