she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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