Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
