I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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