Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
The struggles of a small town man whore
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
