small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
