I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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