Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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