we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
