where am i from again
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
