So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
