hell yes lets make some ravioli
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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