the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
