One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
it's like heaven, but drunker
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
