I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
