Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
