I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
