that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
people are starting to question the shark bite story
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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