Hey man sorry I got all grabby
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
