didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Girls should come with a carfax report
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
