I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
