Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
