Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The uberlube is also flammable
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
