Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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