YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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