theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
