did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
