Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
