On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Say something about gay babies.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
