dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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