I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
