I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
