you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
