Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
