Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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