Someone shit on the floor
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
