I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
