i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
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