We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
