dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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