Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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