I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
