....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
