I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
