I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
