Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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